Better Days
I am feeling a lot better today than I was Thursday.
Thursday I forgot my bring my breakfast, I had to give a success story at a meeting, and I was getting back my HIV results. I wasn't really feeling nervous about it until two days before the results. I had a bad dream involving me forgetting my confidential number at home so I couldn't get my results. After running home and getting that oh so important piece of paper, I got back only to find a thousand or so people in line. The dream ended with me just sitting in the lobby sitting and waiting.
I went to the clinic directly after work and I arrived earlier, a first for me. The one thing that I didn't like about the clinic is that is not very discreet. Not that is should be, but for those who would like some confidentiality this wasn't the place to go. It was on Cedar Springs (the gay area) and I was the only place I could get an appointment before February 20th (the date of my full physically checkup which includes blood work). I get in and there are about 5 people inside. I check in and wait nervously for about 10 minutes.
I finally get called by my birthday and the nice nurse who drew my blood the week before greeted me. She was glad that I came back. I am not sure why ... maybe since people who get the test done never come back to get the results for some reason. Anyway ... with her was Wayne, who I assume was the counselor, and she asked if he could join us in the green room when results are given. I didn't mind because I just wanted my damn results. I think I seemed calm on the outside, but on the inside my heart was just pounding non-stop. Well, it was good that my heart was pounding or else I would be dead ... but you know what I meant.
In the green room I took a seat in the and the counselor was crouching near the dooring and staring at me. I wasn't sure if I should be worried about that or not, so I just focused on the nurse who had my results in her had. I tried to sneak a peek, but I wasn't sure that I should be looking. She looked at the forms and she gave me the results ... all of my tests were negative.
She handed over my results and my hands were shaking. Even thought there was a low percentage of me contracting anything, you just never know. I haven't been a whore in Buffalo and Dallas, but I haven't been an angel either. It can only takes one careless moment.
I told the Greek of the good news and he was happy, as was I when he got his results the previous week. We celebrated by heading to Panda for dinner. I was feeling good about the news of being negative, until I saw a man dining alone at the table next to us. He was positive. He was looking gaunt and he was taking his medications during the course of his meal. I was no longer enjoying myself.
Why was he positive and I am not? Why was I "lucky"?
I was asking myself these questions, and just made me sad. I found some encouraging news regarding a cure for this disease, so hopefully there will be some better days in the near future for those who are affect.
Better Days - Janet Jackson - All For You (2001)
Thursday I forgot my bring my breakfast, I had to give a success story at a meeting, and I was getting back my HIV results. I wasn't really feeling nervous about it until two days before the results. I had a bad dream involving me forgetting my confidential number at home so I couldn't get my results. After running home and getting that oh so important piece of paper, I got back only to find a thousand or so people in line. The dream ended with me just sitting in the lobby sitting and waiting.
I went to the clinic directly after work and I arrived earlier, a first for me. The one thing that I didn't like about the clinic is that is not very discreet. Not that is should be, but for those who would like some confidentiality this wasn't the place to go. It was on Cedar Springs (the gay area) and I was the only place I could get an appointment before February 20th (the date of my full physically checkup which includes blood work). I get in and there are about 5 people inside. I check in and wait nervously for about 10 minutes.
I finally get called by my birthday and the nice nurse who drew my blood the week before greeted me. She was glad that I came back. I am not sure why ... maybe since people who get the test done never come back to get the results for some reason. Anyway ... with her was Wayne, who I assume was the counselor, and she asked if he could join us in the green room when results are given. I didn't mind because I just wanted my damn results. I think I seemed calm on the outside, but on the inside my heart was just pounding non-stop. Well, it was good that my heart was pounding or else I would be dead ... but you know what I meant.
In the green room I took a seat in the and the counselor was crouching near the dooring and staring at me. I wasn't sure if I should be worried about that or not, so I just focused on the nurse who had my results in her had. I tried to sneak a peek, but I wasn't sure that I should be looking. She looked at the forms and she gave me the results ... all of my tests were negative.
She handed over my results and my hands were shaking. Even thought there was a low percentage of me contracting anything, you just never know. I haven't been a whore in Buffalo and Dallas, but I haven't been an angel either. It can only takes one careless moment.
I told the Greek of the good news and he was happy, as was I when he got his results the previous week. We celebrated by heading to Panda for dinner. I was feeling good about the news of being negative, until I saw a man dining alone at the table next to us. He was positive. He was looking gaunt and he was taking his medications during the course of his meal. I was no longer enjoying myself.
Why was he positive and I am not? Why was I "lucky"?
I was asking myself these questions, and just made me sad. I found some encouraging news regarding a cure for this disease, so hopefully there will be some better days in the near future for those who are affect.
Better Days - Janet Jackson - All For You (2001)
1 Comments:
great post, thanks!
By Anonymous, at 2:35 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home