Happy Halloween, bitches!

I am finally feeling well enought to post on my blog. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I will still blame my flu shot. I was still feeling kind of crappy this weekend, as a result, I was not able to attend the Halloween parade. So that means no photos. There is always next year. I am still kind of ill, and I still have no idea where in the hell all mucus is coming from but I am trying my hardest to get it out of my nose. Hopefully I will be feeling well enough tomorrow to play tennis because I need to do some physical activity.

While on the subject of health, I am disgusted that I am slowly gain weight. Over the past few weeks I gained like 6 pounds. So ... starting tomorrow I am back to eating more healthily. My diet has been crap since I moved to Dallas ... which is my own fault. I have had a gym membership for the past 2 months and haven't stepped foot inside. So I am going to get serious about my workouts, again. I currently weight 212 lbs., and my goal is to get down below 200 lbs. I have 8 weeks so if I average 2 lbs. a week I should reach my goal. Do think I can do it? I will post my results on December 31, 2005.

This is a scary day...
I guess spam emails ARE evil! And the fact that Bush nominated a crazy conservative to become a Supreme Court Judge just makes Halloween more scary. I really hope he is not confirmed.

You look horrible...
What happened to cute little Tevin Campbell? Dude looks like he is 45 but is only 28. I guess drugs prematurely age you. Oh, he finally admitted that he is gay. I don't know how I missed this news, but back in 2002 he came out of the closet and revealed that he was in a long term relationship with Raashan Patterson (R&B/Soul recording artist, songwriter). I guess he had to come out of the closet after he was arrested for soliciting a male undercover cop for sex. You pretty much have to come out after that. (see George Michael)

Since this is my last day of food freedom, I am going to gorge myself on sweets. Have a safe Halloween, y'all!

Later!

Sick Day

After receiving my Flu shot on Monday I began to feel like crap. Today I felt so bad that I had to call in sick. I hate to miss work ... and I have to be extreme sick not to go in because I hate taking days off. I spent the entire day in bed watching shows I DVR'd from previous days and trying to sleep. I wasn't able to sleep because I was too busy blowing my nose and coughing, so I have been up for two days with about three hours of sleep. Hopefully I will be able to get to sleep early tonight and be fresh for work tomorrow. This was a great way to celebrate my first of have having health insurance.

There was a glimmer of hope that I would be going to Houston after someone I know offered two free nights in a hotel. But after missing work today I don't think I would be able to take a day and a half off to go to Houston. I will have to check and see how many day I get off before the end of the year because I may have a change of heart.

Other random stuff:

• I got my paper copy of my Masters degree yesterday in the mail. It is now under a pile of junk with my undergraduate degree.
• I think I have date this weekend, but it hasn't been fully confirmed.
• Congrats to my sister! She got a promotion her company and she is now a Paralegal at the insurance company she works for. Way to put that new degree into use, sis.

Interesting day

Today was very eventful for a Monday. My day started off with a flu shot that I totally forgot I had scheduled. After internally freaking out while in the line, I finally got the front and it was over in a couple of seconds. I as given an American flag band-aid and I was sent on my way. I didn't even get a sucker. Even with this shot I am still going to get Avian Flu and die...at least that is what the news is telling me.

Today I decided not to head down to Houston for a tennis tournament because it would cost too much money. I would have to stay there for three days and I what if I get bounced the first round? I was just be stuck in Houston for a couple of days with nothing to do. There are much better things I spend my money on...maybe this....

or this...

Today I got a response to the voicemail I left for the guy I used to date. He seemed very...um...surprised and elated that I called him with such a positive outlook on our possible friendship. Once he returns from his vacation he wants together. So this is good. I just wonder if things will be awkward when we hang out?

Lastly...

Janet Jackson has a secret daughter with her former husband James DeBarge? Apparently, James DeBarge's younger brother (or cousin?) leaked this story on a radio station and the press has been having a field day with this. Janet's older sister Rebe has been raising her as her own. Here is a photo of the girl in question (Renee Brandy Jackson)...
I am sure there will be more to this story in the coming weeks. There are also rumours circulating about Janet being pregnant now with Jermaine Dupri's child. Hopefully, none of this will be true.

edited: because I have to start proof reading my posts.

The Call

I finally made that call today I have been dreading for the past week. I had difference speeches worked out but I wasn't sure which I would use. I was give the jist of what each speech:

1. Extending the olive branch to let him know that we can be friends but we would have to work on it.


2. Extending the olive branch, as well as giving him my interpretation on the events.


3. Harshly giving him my interpretation of the events using past quotes with faux analysis.

I ended up choosing the first speech but not by my choice. I picked up the phone and that's the speech the came out, so that is what he will hear when he checks his voicemail. I now feel relieved because I have done all I can do with this suitation. It's all up to him now. I am fine with him calling, or not calling, so I can finally stop thinking about this. I haven't been sleeping well because I have been formulating my speeches in my head and trying to determine the outcome of each. Speech one was better in terms of the risk factor. He is heading off to England and Portugal on Monday so if I do hear from him, it will be when he returns.

You look...different.

Lil Kim. Yes, she has had a bunch of plastic surgery; but was it for the better? I found a picture of her from 1997 and she looks...different.



In comparison, she does look better now. I thought about having plastic surgery. Nothing major. I either wanted a nose job or chin implant but my wanting surgery was just an idea. More than likely, I will never have surgery because I have a fear that something would go terribly wrong and I would end up looking disfigured. Michael Jackson disfigured.

I still might get the breast implants, though. :)

Suitors

Since this past Saturday, I have had several guys show interest in me. I think guys (gay and straight) can smell when someone just ended a relationship...we must give off a pheromone that makes us prime targets. I didn't take them up on their offers because I have some unresolved business with the other guy, but maybe sometime in the future I will give one (or all) of them a call.

I think I may not date for a while because I am still not sure what I want in a guy. I think that I am at the point where I would like to have a partner and settle down, but you have to go through a lot just to find that person. I thought found that person once but after a couple of years I found that they just weren't ready to make a commitment. I find myself in a awkward position; I am black male that like men of all races BUT I find myself not being "black" enough to appeal to those who like black men. I am not "ghetto" "urban" because I speak in proper english (unless you piss me off); I wear clothes from the Gap, Banana Republic, LaCoste, and Kenneth Cole; and I don't play "ball". I think the whole stereotype of the black man is becoming a bit antiquated because the mannerisms are being adopted by other races. With that said, I do feel like hyprocite because I have yet to date someone who is black. It's not that I don't like black men. I do. But...here is my confession...I tend to like thuggy (is that a word?) guys but they tend to have a lot of baggage. [(not so private) message to SuperBlu: Think of the guy who was in my graduate program. You played basketball with him on several occasions. I am not saying he is gay, though. But I am/was suspicious.]

Maybe I should reconsider this whole "gay" thing? I think I can overcome my fear of the vagina ... ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. If Tom Cruise (and allegedly Will Smith, Johnny Gill, and Eddie Murphy) can do it, then so can I.

Is this the end?

There has been some changes this past week. The biggest change is that I am once again single. Well, I was single with an asterisk while dating this guy because we were taking things slow -- but now I am just single...without an asterisk.

Yesteday, I got a call at 10 p.m. from the guy, which was odd because I had already spoke with no more than two hour prior. So I knew it was either good or bad news. It started off as a normal conversation until I heard the dreaded phrase, "I have to talk to you." That phrase or its variant "We have to talk." is never good when you are talking to someone you are dating because more than likely it will end in a break up -- and it did.

The reasoning that he gave was lame by his own admission. First he said that work was really stressful and then he said he wasn't really in "boyfriend mode." Yeah. I, too, don't know exactly what that means. I can sort of understand being overworked (not
personally, but in theory) but not being in "boyfriend mode" is just lame and doesn't make sense. Especially since he thought it was best not to refer to me as his boyfriend because he wanted to take things slow. So after he finished explaining his decision he asked me what I thought. I sort of laughed and told him that I was not surprised.

Do you ever have gut feelings about situations? I was at work reading blogs and I had a feeling that he would call me to break things off that day. I tried not to think about it because what if I was wrong, but it is rare that my gut feelings aren't correct. So I thought about it and came to the conclusion that I would fine with either outcome.

"Is that it?", he asked.

"Well, I am not going to commit suicide, if that is what you are asking?", I replied.

It was like he wanted me to plead with him, which wasn't going to happen be I thought he had already made his decision. I sort of faked, thought. But in an overly dramatic way so that he knew it wasn't real. I told him that I like him but I wasn't going to force him into a relationship he didn't want. He seemed shocked that the conversation didn't get ugly, but I let him know that I was an adult and that's the way I handle situations.

"So...is that all you have to tell me?", I asked.

I wanted to know if there was a third party involved. He said that there wasn't anything else to tell me.

"So, what happens now?", I asked.

"Well...if you see me on the tennis court, I hope you won't totally ignore me."

I am not sure what's going to happen between us, but more than likely we will not hang out. It is a shame really because I think he is a cool guy. And who will I see the Strangers With Candy movie with? I personally think that he has some underlying issues...possibly abandonment (maybe because he is adopted)? It is sort of like he is
pushing me away before he gets hurt. This didn't dawn on me until I started composing this. I am recalling a conversation we had he mentioned that he was jaded on relationships, hadn't dated anyone in over a year, and had come to accept that he will be alone. Holy crap! Why didn't I see this coming?

I was so ready to just let him go to the void where most of the guys I've dated go when we decide to be friends. I am not sure if I should do this with him. I rarely meet people that I enjoy hanging out with it so it seems stupid just to give up on him. But what should I do? I was thinking of leaving a voicemail (the passive-aggressive's tool of choice) and give him my new discovered feelings and thoughts on the issue. I want to make him think and also give him reassurance.

Is this a good idea? I am not sure what to do.

...to be continued.

iPod Video

It will be mine. Oh, yes.



It WILL be mine!

The Texas Open

So after many weeks, and many committee meetings, the Texas Open is almost over. Everything will end tomorrow around noon and life will go back to normal.

I participated in the tournament but I bounced in the 1st round for singles, and the second round for doubles. Eventhough I didn't win anything I still think I played really well. My first serve started to fail me so, as a last resort, I broke out my rust slice serve. The slicer isn't as hard but if played correctly it can be very effective. My major problem is that I don't have a "plan b". For me, it is all or nothing. The fact I can't adopt my game to put my opponents at a disadvantage is a major flaw. I will be working on that and I am considering entering another tournament in Houston, TX in a couple of weeks. But I think I a lot more practice before that or any other tournament.

Tonight is the banquet for the tournament but I decide not to go. Last night the groin muscle in both legs tightened, and it was so painful I couldn't walk. I hobbled to the bathroom to find my tube of muscle pain reliever -- and no, it wasn't Ben Gay -- and the pain finally went away. This morning I am still sore a but I am not feeling up to going out today. I was called to play in a consolation round but I had to decline the offer. I may go out and watch the finals tomorrow but I definately will not be playing tennis for the next week.

Something interesting happened yesterday ...

A couple of weeks ago I played in a non-gay tournament where I had to play this (obviously) gay guy. He was a real bitch on the courts so I wasn't very found of him. During our second set he couldn't take the heat so I won (6-1, walkover). After I got my trophy he ended up making small talk with me, in which I begrudgingly engaged. At the end he ended up giving me his number and told me to call him if I ever want to play tennis. I didn't give him my number, because I wasn't interested in playing tennis with again. I thought the was going to be the last time I ever see this person ... until yesterday when I spotted him at the Texas Open. I was with my boy.. the guy that I am currently dating when he spotted me. I thought it would be a brief exchange of hellos, but he ended up talking to be for like five minutes. He got distracted and I finally escaped him. It wasn't until today that I realized that he didn't know I was gay until yesterday ... or realized that it was more the likely that I would gay considering that I was participating in a gay event. So, that was interesting ... right?

Commonalities

Over the weekend I realized that I had very little in common with guys I have dated in the past. They all had their commonalities: older (to a certain point); watched very little television (two didn't even own a television); educated (dermatologist, teacher, doctor, etc...). I am starting to figured out that this type of guy is/was not right for me. I crave pop culture. So from now on, not having a television is a deal breaker.

I don't know where I was going with this, but I was just comparing them to the person I am currently dating. He watches a ton of television, never went to college but is very smart (he went to boarding schools in Europe), extremely funny, loves tennis, blah blah blah -- and it seems to be working. Not that the other relationships didn't work, they did to certain degree, but they were just ... different.

... I must admit that this is a very odd and random post. Enjoy!