A Change is Coming

I started this blog for a number of reasons: I wanted an outlet so I can just talk about anything without feeling inhibited; try to improve my writing skills and my bad grammar (but I have been failing miserably); and to use this a passive-aggressive way to come "out" to people. I am happy to say that this blog has achieved its purpose.

Last week, after an overdose of the LOGO network I decided to send this link my sister. In a blur I typed out a quick message and link to my blog and hit the send button. It felt good ... for about 10 minutes before the feeling of nausea kicked in. My sister the probably the only family member I actually feared the reaction of my "coming out." So if she didn't accepted me I would have been devastated.

But I am pleased to announce that my sister has email me back, and she is cool with me being a gay who I am. I am happy. But, come on ... the sisters always know. As a kid I used to be the best double dutcher on our block, played with and styled the hair of my sister's dolls, joined in my sister's cheerleading practices, and I have never brought home a girlfriend ... she probably knew before I did. I have had girlfriends, but never brought them home. But anyway, I want to say THANKS and...



Other changes

I am getting a tattoo. I am in the process of designing the actually tattoo because I don't want some trite tribal band on my bicep. I want to get something more meaningful. So right now the concept is all about numbers. I want to do something with my birthday but I am still trying to work out the details. I will post some mock-ups when I get a clearer concept.

I was supposed to get a tattoo last year when my neice got her's ... but I didn't do it. I didn't want to wait an hour for the tattoo artist to become available. I don't have the time to wait to express myself. So my neice, at 18, got her a tattoo with the money gave her for Christmas. Yes, I am an enabler. An hour later, this is what my neice got ...



...needless to say, I will NOT be getting that one. My neice is a small girl and this tattoo is almost 1/4th of her entire back. I am not ready for that. I am thinking about getting it on the inside of my bicep or on my forearm. I still haven't decided.

I plan on getting this in early 2006. And of course I will post a picture of it.

Later.

Since my last post ...

... a lot has happened.

Dating...

I have been on two dates within the last week, and they were just okay. The first guy I met is Greek medical student who has been in Dallas (and the country) for 3 years. He seems like a really nice guy but he got attached to me too soon, which worries me. We went out three days in a row, and each day he revealed a lot about his life and past relationships. It wasn't all bad ... but he being emotionally slutty; he pretty much suggested that I should move in with him on the second date, he wanted to take me on to see Mykonos, and he asked if I wanted to join him in Miami in January. If this was a movie it would be a match made in heaven ... but it's NOT. He wasn't creepy like Dennis because he seemed really genuine and earnest person, but there are some insecurities present as a result of his last relationship. When discussing his ex he began tearing up a bit and decided not to talk about him anymore ... but ended up talking about again on a number of occasions. It was a bit odd for me. But it wasn't as odd as him interviewing me for the position of co-parent of the child he plans on adopting. Even with all this, I still didn't find him creepy. Unfortunately (for him) I am not ready for what he is looking for. I will have to let him know this ... I just hope he doesn't cry. During one conversation he asked if I was in his league. How do you answer that without sounding conceited? I think I just brushed it off by saying "your fine." But I am starting to realize that answer could have been taken a a number of ways. Anyway ...

The second guy I went out with is also in the medical profession, as a nurse. There is nothing with a man being a nurse ... I'm just sayin'. He is originally from Missouri but lived in Arkansas for a number of years and as a result he has a wicked southern drawl. We met for dinner this past Tuesday at a restaurant that served Latin cuisine. I arrived late, of course, and a bit overdressed. I was coming from work so I was wearing a blue Gap sweater, black casual dress pants, and dress shoes; he was in a pair of jeans, a tight long sleeve t-shirt, and sneakers. We had a nice meal and conversed about a variety of things. I did not feel a connection with this guy initially, but we will hang out as friends and see what happens.

I have another date this coming week with (yes) another medical student sometime this week. I swear I don't seek out guys in the medical field, but this would be like the 7th medical/Ph.d doctor I've dated. Maybe I should date someone in the fast food industry or in construction instead? The date hasn't been confirmed yet because he is away for the holiday. More on that in a future post.

Michael and me update ...

This past Friday, I finally got out of bed around 11am to only receive a call from Michael. We talked, it was cool, and he wanted to know if I wanted to play tennis. I did. So we schedule to meet at his country club at 1:30pm. I showed up late -- do I even have to state that I am always late anymore? -- but he wasn't there yet. I waited for a couple of minutes and then he finally showed up. I was feeling like, "Yeah, we can be friends," until I saw him in shorts and I knew I was in trouble. I've always been leg guy (women and men) and he has a nice pair. They are not freakishly bodybuilder big, but they are muscular ... umm, where was I. We had a brief exchange before heading to our court at which point he beat me soundly: 6-3, 6-2, 6-0. But in my defense, I haven't played a lot in over a month due to illness.

After the match I told him how much he sucked for beating me, and then we heading to our cars. We ended up talking for like 15 minutes, but it was one of those conversation where you know have to leave but you just can't stop talking. When he remembered that he forgot the pictures from his trip to London and Portugal he said he would invite me over but his place was a mess. I didn't care, but I also don't invite people to my house when it is untidy ... so I understood. He asked me out to dinner that night or the next, so accepted and we were on our way.

I got a call a little after 8pm and I was in the beginning stages of cooking dinner for my roommate and me. Since I was making dinner he asked if I wanted to go out to some clubs later. I said yeah, and we made plans together around 11:45pm. We all met up around midnight (yes, I was late) and he was already imbibed on vodka tonics. Throughout the night he was getting really hands-y with me. I found it interesting because I think most people would sort of make a conscious effort not to do anything that could be misconstrued as something other than friendly. These were not friendly touches. For now, I will just attributed this to the consumed alcohol. I, of course, had Sprite and water throughout the night. We got split up later that night/morning and couldn't find each other so I went home around 3am.

I am not going to make any assumptions about this night, but I will say it was interesting. We have to get together alone, without alcohol, and see what happens. If things are a still unclear will have to hash these things out. With that said, I am not expecting much.

My life in general...

I haven't been up to much this weekend. I've been sleeping, a lot, and just been holding myself hostage at home. I was thinking about going shopping to take advantage of some of the sales, but I don't want to cut by a fellow consumer over some discounted merchandise. I will have to head to the mall sometime before Saturday to shop for outfit for a Holiday Party I am attending. The attire for that night is "classy casual," so I guess I can't wear my favorite jeans with the hole in the back pocket. I plan on wearing this brown Merino sweater from Banana Republic and a pink dress shirt underneath. I have been meaning to buy some brown shoes for a while, so I will check out Kenneth Cole and see what they have. I will post a photo of the outfit when it is complete for your approval. Because it is all about you people ... all 6 of you.

I have finally caught up on the past couple episodes of Lost, ER and Smallville. And they were some good episodes. I was kind of not feeling ER this season but the last 2 episodes has drawn me back in ... except for the Luka and Abby storyline. Why in the hell would she get back with him after he said that she "wasn't that pretty"? That is just crazy. And Serena William's "acting" was laughable ... but I did enjoy seeing her get impaled by some shrapnel after a building explosion. Schadenfreude, baby!

A special message from ...

... Tom Turkey.



I hope you all enjoyed your Turkey Day!

Later.

Let them eat cake ...

... unless they f**k it up, then screw them!

There was a Thanksgiving Luncheon today at work, and I decided to make an Angel Food Cake because were asking people to bring items. I signed up yesterday, but then changed my mind but the sign-up list had already been taken down so I couldn't scratch my name of the list. Since it was too late to backout I had to run to the store get the items. I finally started the process around 10pm and finished around 11:30pm.


The next day, I brought it to work feeling proud about my cake. I dropped it off at the staging area to the delight of the ladies in charge and then headed to my office. Around 12:30pm I went to get some food after the line died down. I filled my plate with turkey with the fixings and then made my way to the desserts. There was a piece of cherry pie with my name on it. I was looking for my cake to see if anyone was having any of it ... but I didn't see it on the table. After a couple of seconds I recognized the pan I brought the cake on ... only to see that my cake had been FROSTED! "I can't believe they frosted my cake!" I said to myself aloud. The woman stand nearby gasped and said "Nooo! I can't believe they did that."

I went back my desk where I told a couple of people what had happened ... more gasps. I sat at my desk to eat my food dejectedly when a co-worker asked about my cake. I told them what happened ... more gasps. I was urged to express my displeasure about the situation but I was going to let it go. After a couple of minutes, I knew I wasn't going be able to let it go without saying something. I found the contact person and composed this email:

"...This morning I brought a homemade Orange-flavored Angel Food Cake for the Thanksgiving Luncheon. When I came down this afternoon to partake in said luncheon I noticed that my cake had been frosted. I had co-workers who wanted to try my dessert but couldn't find it because it was now unrecognizable. I stayed up late last night prepping and baking this cake only to have it ... for a lack of a better word ... ruined [over-dramatic, I know.]. I am disappointed because the people who wanted to try the cake (in its original state) weren't able and, furthermore, it was supposed to be a healthier alternative for those who still wanted dessert.

Besides that, the rest of the luncheon was great."

Yeah, the email might have been a bit much, but this is what I was feeling at the time. I was away from my desk for about 20 minutes, when I returned I saw that I had a voicemail. It basically said "Sorry, but if a cake isn't frosted we put frosting on it because that's what people are used to. Next time let us know ahead of time how you want you dish to be presented. Thanks!" You know, I am not against the idea of people adding things to a dish I brought, but to smother a cake in frosting doesn't give people a choice. The were tons of frosted bundts and yellow cakes ... so, why frost something that wasn't brought frosted? I, personally, think this was in bad form. You don't mess with someone's food because people could get offended.

So the moral to this post is: making sure you don't get egg yolk in your dozen of egg whites can make you bitchy. So don't make an Angel Food cake for anyone, EVER!

Nostalgia

Here's a glimpse of my ticket stub collection. I added some new stubs this past weekend from the movies I went to while in Dallas. There were only six for the entire 5 months I have been here. Which isn't a whole lot for me. Hopefully I will make up for lost time before the end of the year because there are a lot of movies I want to see. I. MUST. SEE. Brokeback Mountain and Memoirs of a Geisha. You may notice that some of the tickets are in pairs. Those were dates ... [sigh].

Photo Gallery Updates....

Here are some pictures from:
Buffalo Pride 2004
Toronto Pride 2004

I was looking at the pictures from Toronto Pride and I found this photos interesting ...



There was this guy in from Dallas Pride who was staring at me like this. He was very cute, but I wasn't single at the time so I couldn't do nothing more than smile. Maybe I will see him at Dallas Pride 2006.

Letting Go

After a week of playing with my new toy, I have decided that it wasn't for me. Yeah, it was nice having the phone because no one else had it, but besides that -- it was useless for me.

First, it was really big so I couldn't put it in my pocket so I was forced to wear this belt clip that jutted out 5 inches from my hip. I missed my old phone; it was small and sleek. The new phone ... wasn't. It was just complicated to use all of it features and the EV-DO connection didn't operate at the speeds promised. That combined with the $600 price tag didn't make it a sound investment. So, I called Sprint and had them switch my service back to my old phone.



I couldn't take the phone to the Sprint Store to get a refund, so I have to get a prepaid label mailed to me so I can ship it back to them. I am still thinking about getting a new phone, but I want a Bluetooth enable phone which Sprint only has two. The one I had and this small small non-flip phone which I don't like that much.

I think at the end of my contract I will switch over the Cingular because they have the Motorola RAZR phones. Those phones have Bluetooth and are really thin, hence the name. As a bonus my company offers an amazing discount for its employees who has/wants Cingular. This would mean I would have to get a new phone number, unless I fly back to Buffalo to switch my service. Since I will be in Dallas for a while the number change will be worth it.

Keeping in title of this post there is something else I need to let go of -- the last guy I dated, Michael (I decided to give him a name because it could get complicated if I end up dating more people. So I will apply a teaching from the movie Fight Club: when a person dies serving "Project Mayhem" they are then known by their real name. So if I dated someone, and it ends, they will be known by name. It will make things easier in the log run.). It has been over a month since I have seen him but I am not sure if I am completely over him. I tried to take the advice of Charlotte (York-McDougall-York-Goldenblatt) from Sex and the City:

"It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them. " -- Season 2, Episode 1

...but this is reality and it never works out that way. I dated someone for a couple of years and was over them in a month or so, and dated someone for a month and it took almost a year and a half to get over them. Maybe it has something to do with the level of dysfunction in the relationship? The more dysfunctional the relationship, the longer it lasts, easier to get over the person; the less dysfunctional the relationship, the shorter the relationship, the harder it is to get over the person. I never thought about this until now, and I think I am a screwed for life if this true. Michael and I might get together this weekend so he can show me pictures of his trip. We were suppose to together last week but I didn't call him, so I left him a VM and I'll see if he calls me back.

Hopefully everything will work out.

I would like to introduce ...

... my new baby!

Another Uneventful Weekend

So this weekend was just like any other. I just stayed home, relaxed, and tried not to venture out of the comforts of my apartment. I mentioned in my last post that I had a date this past Friday, but that didn't end up happening. We had plans but he got out of work late and he ended up not calling. The next day, I got an e-mail saying that he dropped his phone and it lost of his numbers which is why he didn't call but he still wanted to take me out. I left him a VM with my contact info AND sent an e-mail with the same information ... didn't hear from him. I gave him a deadline of 4pm today, which came and went ... so I counted this a strike three. If I ever hear from him again and he wants to go out, I will most likely say "Thanks, but no thanks." I don't unreliable people.

I am still planning to meet that "IT guy" this week. I just hope he doesn't behave like the last guy.

Family stuff...

Today I got a weird call from my uncle who lives in Florida. It was weird ... BECAUSE he called me. I hear from my uncle maybe once a year, MAYBE. If the call wasn't weird enough, he began grilling me on my activities in Dallas. I am glad that I wasn't on a video phone because would seen my numerous "WTF?" faces. Luckily the phone call wasn't long so I managed to get through it, but he plans on calling periodically to "check up on me." Umm ... why? I am thinking my mom and/or my sister had a hand in this.

Health stuff...

I am finally heading to the gym tomorrow, so I getting in my last bit a junk food binging in. I ate McD's yesterday for the last time because I have to get ride of all of the junk in my diet. My roommate tells me I am thin and I shouldn't worry about losing weight ... BUT he is 6'2" and about 170 pounds. I am 5'11.5" and about 210 pounds ... I can stand to drop a few lbs.


I will not go overboard with weight lose like I did a couple of years ago. I think I was borderline anorexic. I became preoccupied with calories and exercising so I ended up losing a lot of weight. A LOT!. Anything that was fat free, I bought it. I started at 245 lbs. and ended up at 178 lbs. I was 22 and a junior in college at the time and I haven't been that weight since I was 14. It was nice being thin and ripped (for me ... I had visible abs for first time) but I was hungry. But looking good overrode my need to have a full belly. I always said I lost the weight for health reasons, but it was mostly to get more attention from a guy I was involved with. Long story short, I will never starve myself again. But I am going ahead with weight-loss plan. Results will be posted.

I should have my new phone tomorrow and I can't wait. I have to have it I my hands soon. I won't eat until it gets here. I am just kidding.

Good Day

Overall, today was a good day.

The day started with me getting accolades from the higher ups for a job well done at our daily morning work meeting. Our company does customer service surveys and my name was brought up specifically. It was glowing review on how eloquent I was on the phone, how I helped the customer, blah blah blah appreciation-cakes. This was like the fourth time I was acknowledged publicly, and it felt good. The rest of the day I walked around with my chest puffed out and with my head held high ... they better offer me a raise at some point -- or else I am walking. :)

So to celebrate, I bought myself some happy:

It is a PDA/Phone/1.5 Megapixel camera/ATM/FAX/etc.. I was going to wait until January but I decided to buy it for myself today ... to spoil myself. I will test it out for 2 weeks and decide whether not I will keep it. If not, I will get the Louis Vuitton messenger bag. But I know if I buy a LV bag, everyone will think it is fake considering that I drive a Camry ... and I am black. So I guess the phone/PDA will be better purchase. In a couple of months our company is switching to a Microsoft Exchange Mail Server and this phone is fully compatible. So ... I will tried to get my phone paid for by the company. My new toy will arrive on Monday, and I will post some photos when it arrives.

Other things....

I think I have a date tomorrow but I am still waiting for confirmation. We have been play phone tag for a couple of days now and it is starting to get a bit frustrating. A little more on him ... he appartently is a successful restauranteur and former newspaper owner. This has not been confirmed because I didn't want get all up in his business this else early on. I will scrutinize his life at dinner. edited: I just got confirmation, and we are on for dinner and a movie tomorrow night

I think I have date, with another guy, next week when he gets back from a business trip. A little more on him ... he works for an international IT consulting firm and he manages call centers in the US, Indian and another foreign country. I forgot which one. We have been talking to each other for a couple of weeks now but he has been out town so we haven't had a chance to meet up. He is a fellow IT homo, so that is a plus in my book. He seems cool. We'll see how thing will work out.

Now, there is still the issue of the guy I dated up until three weeks ago. I am not sure if things are completely over. He gets back from his London and Portugal trip tomorrow and I think he wants to get together on Saturday. I haven't seen him in a month because he ended things over the phone. I think we worked as a couple but ... who knows. I will deal with that when it happens.

Randomness....

Karamo, the gay black thug-like guy, from Real World Philadelphia was on a dating show once. A straight dating show called The Fifth Wheel.I wonder if he was trying to prove that he wasn't gay, or was he just a broke college student trying to get some money. You do crazy things when you don't have money. [Source]