2005: Year in Review

2005 wasn't only the year of the Emancipation of Mimi. Yes, Mariah Carey has the best selling record of 2005, 2 #1 singles, and has tied Elvis Pressley as the number two artist with the most number singles. With all this, she can't afford a pair of pants. But thanks for making an album that I still actually enjoy after repeated listenings.

I have done some noteworthy things in 2005 as well.

January 2005: Got my first real job that included benefits. Eventhough I was only there for a 5 months, I am still in contact with a co-worker that was really fun to be around. He made it bareable to work considering we both with an utter jerk.

May 2005: After seven years, I finally ended my university career when I graduated from the University at Buffalo with my Masters in Informatics. Even thought I didn't get my degree until September due to our inept records department because my paperwork was lost, I am glad it is all over. I thought I would never look back, but I miss UB. I spent so much time there that I was basically living in Buffalo for the last 4 years. I miss the campus that became so familiar, and the friends I met while I was there. But it was time for me to move on and journey to the unfamiliar.

June 2005: I moved the Dallas, Texas sight unseen only knowing a friend I met in Toronto. I was so scared, but I knew it was something that I had to do. I never lived more than a few hours away from my hometown of Syracuse, NY -- but it was about time that I got away. Driving from Buffalo to Texas was a very liberating experience. As each hour passed, I was further away from the place I called home. Twenty-one hours of driving over the course of two days I was in Dallas. It was hot as hell, but it was something that I had to get used to. For the first few days I would wake up and forget that I was no longer in Buffalo. It kind of mad me sad, but I am now adjusted to my new surroundings.

Before I left I told a couple of friends that I was gay. But I already knew that they knew, but I don't think they knew that I knew they knew. I "came out" in a crappy way, which I now regret. It was a drive-by coming out. While saying my final goodbyes to them, from the car I told that I was gay and was ready to pull off. I had planned on doing it earlier that day but I just got nervous and couldn't find that courage to do it. But they now know, and are cool with it.

July 2005: After being in Dallas for 7 weeks, I found a job that I really enjoy and that pays really well for the basic work that I do. I will be with this company for a while, well ... for as long as they want me. But I know this isn't something for the long haul. Everyone is extremely nice so, who knows. I may be here for the next 20 years.

November 2005: I came out to my sister, and yet another passive-aggressive way, but she was also cool about it which make me happy. She was the one person in my family that I was scared of telling because she is the person I am most close with. She now knows, and she is cool with it.

So this year has probably been the best and the worst for me. But everything has worked out so far and has exceeded my expectations. I am hoping for better things in 2006 for me and to the people that I know.

¡Felíz año nuevo!
新年快乐
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I wish you all the best in 2006!

2005 New Year Resolutions

Here is the list of my 2005 New Years resolutions with updates:

1. Go to the gym more consistantly.
   
2. Complete my A+ Certification.
3. Be more honest.Complete
4. Enter at least one amateur tennis tournament. Complete: 9/21/05

I haven't gotten my A+ Certification because I got a job and I really don't need it at the moment. I will eventually get it because my employer gives bonuses for certifications.

I have NOT been to the gym AT ALL. I know, I know. I am a liar but I have a good reason. I am lazy. But I really going to go in the new year because I have to train for a tennis tournament in Austin, TX this coming March. My fitness level is really bad now and I am getting winded easily while play tennis. The two tennis tournament I entered in this year I lost in the first round, but they both went to three sets. I ended up losing because I didn't have to energy to continue. So I got two months to get my but to the gym.

I am really going to do it this time. Honest.

I came out to some of my friends and my sister so I have been more honest with people. 2006 - tell mom and dad that I am sodomite. I won't if they will cast me to hell?

I will post my 2006 resolutions after the first of the year.

KV

All I want(ed) for Christmas

Much has happened in that last week.

The Greek showed that he was a loon by refusing to accept my many apologies. He said he didn't appreciate being stood-up and I didn't/don't care enough to counter his argument by pointing out that I called him beforehand. I said goodbye to him and deleted his number from my phone and all e-mails to and from him. Me deleting a number from my phone means I have no intentions of speaking with you ever again. I still have numbers of jerks on my phone but they were adult jerks ... not "crazy" jerks. All the signs were there that he might not be the most stable person but I decided to ignore them because I have a tendency to give everyone a fair shot and not just to write them off. So my ignoring the fact that he was pretty much proposed to me on the second date, wanted to take me to Miami for vacation and January, and asking if I wanted to move to Greece with him was pretty much showed my naivety. All this drama was after I let him know that I am not looking for he is looking for BUT we could be friends and hang out. I guess he thought I would change my mind and give in ... and now he is hurt. But he did it to himself so I don't feel bad about the situation anymore. I hope that I am not becoming one of those heartless gay men you hear about

All this drama was followed by some good things. I got a brand new computer at work and I longer have to deal with the ancient device I was given on my first day. The computer was so old that it would play my iPod music without skipping. So now I don't need to use my iBook at work because I can listen to my iPod and read my RSS websites from Google Reader. I will still carry it around with me just in case I need it. But so far, I don't.

The day after The Greek fiasco, I ended up getting like 10 replies to an old personal ad. Some were interesting, some were not. It is hard to impress me in 200 words or less. I haven't met a lot of people from personal ads because the end up being something totally different in really life. For example, The Greek. The was 30+ lbs more than what he listed on his profile, and the picture was from 5 years ago. But I thought he was a nice guy so I met up with him ... I am regretting it now. But I am not going to poo on my whole Internet personals experience because I did end up meeting some really cool people with whom I remain friends. It is a lot easier to meet people this way than at a club. I hate clubs for many reasons but mainly, it is not a good place to be social. It hard to carry on a conversation while screaming over bad music. Also, unlike New York, Texas still allows smoking in public places. I hate smoke. Smoking is a non-negotiable with me. So not being a guy who enjoys clubbing, it is hard to meet other guys. I think I have to some other guys soon because I am afraid my Michael obsession is threatening to consume me.

Michael called me this past Thursday to play tennis at his country club. Things started off strange when I noticed he was wearing the exact opposite of me. I had on a black shirt, white shorts, black socks, black sneaker; he had on white shirt, black shorts, white socks, white sneakers. We both commented on how "Bizarro" it was (referring to an episode of Sealab 2021). He whupped me 3 sets to 0, but I ending up betting him in a game of 21. After tennis we ended up going out for dinner at IHOP. It have had pancakes since my housemate and I drove down from NY to TX and stopped at a Waffle House in Little Rock, Arkansas. Anyway ... we enjoyed conversing while consuming mass quantities of saturated fat. I had egg beaters, so that will give me four extra days before I die of a massive heart attack. We took turns trying to top each others inappropriate jokes and just being generally silly. We talked about Brokeback Mountain and how we both felt full of melancholy for a few days after the movie. I joked that I cried, but I didn't. I just felt sad. He asked me what was the last movie that made me cry. I couldn't think of anything, but I remember crying while watching Grease.

"Grease?!?" he asked with a look of disgust on his face.
"Yeah -- I was like five," I replied
"God you're young!" he exclaimed.

He is older than me by decade or so, if you were wondering. I shot him a look that said "get over it," and we began talking about other stuff. We both admitted our love and ire of "Showgirls." We were still in the restaurant an hour after we finished our meal enjoying our conversation. Then our waitress looked like she wanted to go home, so we decided it was time to head out. We both reach for our wallets and I told him I will be paying. He still pulled out his card but told him to put it away again. He was all...

"Are you sure [your broke ass can pay -- my interpretation based on tone]?"

I took the check and we headed to cashier. We ending up talking to our waitress for a couple minutes before wishing her a Happy Holiday and leaving. We said our goodbyes and I headed home.

Enjoying Xmas in a semi-conscious state while watching movies and TV shows on DVD (Chappelle Show, Little Britain, Family Guy) I get a call from Michael. It started off as one of our basic conversations but it sort of veered off to something more adult in nature. He got these movies from a friend and he proceeded to give me a graphic description of what these "actors" were doing. About 20 minutes of this, he wanted to know if I wanted to come over. I said sure. I showered, dressed, had several freakouts, and got there an hour later. This was the first time I've been over since we ended things and it was strange. I proceeded to take my place on his couch but with a 3 foot buffer zone. We ended watching the middle part of "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" and then he wanted to me to see the pictures he took while in Portugal. He is a amateur photographer, so they were really nice. Then we ended up going through is record collection and he seem surprised that I knew a lot about different artist he had in his collection. He is planning on getting a USB turntable to hook up to his computer to convert he albums to mp3. I gave him a list of songs I wanted when he complete his project. I saw that he had a Grace Jones records, which segued to me tell him that I met Grace Jones because I was a friend of her nephew. She was terribly think and she seemed a bit "out of it" ... if you know what mean.

We headed back downstairs and talked for a bit, and then end up watch Female Troubles because there was a John Waters marathon on the Independent Film Channel. I told him that I loved Hairspray and Serial Mom (both John Waters films). It was weird because we barely talked when we were in front of the television. We watched the movie with a bit of commentary and when it ended, I got up to leave. We hugged each other goodbye and made vague plans for tennis this week.

So I didn't get what I wanted to for Xmas ... maybe next year.

Overreaction

Something interesting happened this weekend. This is sort of a continuation of the last post.

This past Friday, Michael and I went to see Brokeback Mountain. He picked me, he called me a girl for not knowing what my apartment looked like; I called him a "dick" because he was being a jerk for refusing to look up my address on Mapquest ... it was fun. Seriously. We totally pick on each other but it is never serious. We went out to eat before the movie at the frou-frou hamburger place near the theatre. We both got turkey burgers that were weird, yet delicious, because it had cranberries, baby field greens, with cheese made from the milke of a virgin goat. We talked for an hour about movies and other random stuff. We got to the theatre 40 minutes ahead of schedule and the line was so long. There were at least 50-60 ahead of us. We ended up getting sort of good seats but the movies was SO good that I didn't mind the neck ache from craning my head upwards to the left and right to see the screen. I am going to have to see it again soon....

...speaking of that, I was suppose to see it with The Greek on Saturday but I ended up going to play tennis with Michael. I was sort of conflicted but I really wanted to play tennis because it had been a while since I last played. I called The Greek that I was going to be late for the 2:40pm movie and asked if was possible to reschedule it an hour later and see the 3:30 showing. This was at noon. I finished tennis at 2:00pm, made it home at 2:40pm and was out the door freshly showered and clothed at 3:05pm. I never heard back from The Greek regarding the earlier message I left so I imagined him standing at the theatre at 2:30pm and waiting for me. I got to the theatre at around 3:15pm, ran to the theatre and searched for him. He was nowhere to be found. I search the Starbucks that was nearby, but he was not there either. I called his house numerous times but he was not there. You see, The Greek didn't have a cell phone so he could not be easily reached. And that day I was supposed to help he buy a new phone to prevent things like this from happening. Oh, the irony.

I thought he might be in the theatre so I head back to my car. But before I went back home I drove up and down the parking garage looking for his car so I could put a note on it to let him know what happened. I didn't see his car so I headed home. I gave him a call to let him know that I was there looking for him and to call me when he gets this message. When I got home I told my housemate that I felt bad about what happened. I got into my room and saw that I had an email from The Greek ...

Lets just call it " quits"
Bye

I called him but got his answering machine and then proceeded to leave yet another message. No response. I sent him an email letting him know what the deal was, but still no response. I gave him a called today only to get his answering machine. I left another message but at this time I haven't received a call. You know, I don't have a problem ingratiating myself, but I do have a limit. I've apologized more than once and I am just about done with him. This is extremely petty. If he gets hurts this easily, for something I gave ample warning about, then I am glad I wasn't in the relationship with this person. I wonder if he would stab me if I put a glass on the table without a coaster? I guess it is good to find this out know.

I think this is all due to me telling him that I going to see the movie with Michael on Friday, and giving a bit of background on our relationship. I was going to invite him but I thought it would be weird for everyone so I decide not to. So maybe he thought Michael and I reconnected so I stood him up. I don't know and I am starting not to care. I try not to hate anyone, but not being an adult enough to communicate someone over an assumption you have just makes me mad. I just don't have the time for all the drama.

I will give him to the end of the week before I will just give up and never speak with him again.

Is this an overreaction? or am I not being sensitive enough?

If you look good ...

... you feel good!

IN my line of work, you don't to dress well because you are usually stuck in a cube for most of the day or working dirty computer equipment. But I am beginning to find that the better I dress, the better I feel during the day. When I was a student and worked for my university, I rarely got dressed up. I would throw my favorite jeans with the hole in back pocket and a hoodie, and off I went. Now that I have a "real" job I have to make myself presentable.



I went to 2 Gap location to find that sweater, but I got it and I think it looks really good with a collar shirt that cost $10. I went to work and noticed that I got a lot of stares, which was nice, so I thought ... "I am not going to waste this outfit just on work." I called the Greek to see if he wanted to have dinner. He did, so we met up for Italian at this place called Marco's. It was the restaurant we first met. I walked in, feeling good, and noticed the people looking. It felt good. I don't actively see approval from other people, but sometime it feels good to have it.

So I am going to make a conscious effort to dress better because you feel how you look.

Dinner was cool. We ate, we talked, and I got the chance to revel in his accented tones. Looking into his bespectacled hazel eyes made me feel calm and it was just an easy casual meal ... until I lied to him. Okay, it wasn't a lie exactly but it wasn't the whole truth.

This Friday Brokeback Mountain comes out in Dallas, and I wanted to see it with Michael but I figured he already had plans to see it with someone else. So I bent the truth and said that I already had plans to see it with some people I know, and he was free he could join us. But there were no "us" and I he was wanted to join "us." So I have to think of a way to get us alone because it is probably one of the best date movies this year. Come one ... a love story between gay cowboys! It doesn't get better than that. So I am just going to say that me friend can't make it and see if he wants to go just with me. If he doesn't, I am going see it with the Greek on Saturday. But the Greek doesn't know I am seeing it on Friday with someone else.

What did I get myself into? Hopefully I won't have one those sitcom moments where I am with another guy and the other guy shows up. That could be awkward.

I will let you know how things go ...

KV

OkCupid Test Results

The Slow Dancer Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm)     Steady, reliable, and cradling him tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer.     Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The men left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal man is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive. Your exact opposite: The Hornivore Random Brutal Sex Master     While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships. ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah CONSIDER: The Gentleman or The Slow Dancer Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

This was based upon 75 questions I had to answer. I think it is pretty accurate. You all should try one and post your results in the comments section.

KV

Party

This weekend was the Holiday Party for my tennis group, and I ended having a lot of fun. I usually dread parties because even if I am invited I seem to feel out of place. I knew the majority of the people at the party, but only had long conversations with about 10 of the 30 people in attendance.

The party started at 7pm, but I arrived around 8pm because I didn't want to be the dork who arrived on time. And, I was late. I was of having a couture crisis and which delayed my egress from the apartment. I originally planned to wear my pink dress shirt underneath my brown sweater, but I was feeling unsure about the decision at the 11th hour. I fantically looked for something else to put on underneath my sweater and ended up wearing a white t-shirt.

1. Brown Merino wool sweater - Banana Rebuplic


2. Brown leather belt - Mossimo (Target) ... Shut up, it is a fab belt.


3. Brown leather watch - Fossil


4. Jeans - Gap


5. Brown leather loafers - Kenneth Cole

I think I did okay, right? I know I am not Bryan Boy, but you do what you can when you are on a budget.



And I think that is a GOOD thing.

I finally arrived at the party where I ate, conversed, and laughed. When Michael arrived I ended up haveing a better time because we interact so well. I think we both have a sick type of humor that only can be appreciated by someone who shares that humor. I got a bit uncomfortable being around him due to the unresolved feelings, so I purposely seperated myself from him on several occasions. When we got back together when continued the twistedness that is our humor.

After people had a few too many cocktails, that's when the claws came out. There is a guy in our tennis group who is an admitted Male Escort and he seems to be a topic of discussion. We did a gift exchange at the party -- I bought "March of the Penguins" on DVD, which everyone wanted -- and someone received a gag gift. Part of the gift was an advertisment for the Male Escort in question.

"...masculine, thick muscled, personality, rates negotiable."

The masculine part got everyone going because he is, for the most part, not masculine. He is feminine with muscles ... and a beard. I don't want to be part of the lynch mob so I will leave it at that. But it makes me wonder, do they talk about me like that when I am not around?

Michael decided to leave, so we hugged and made plans for the coming week. After thinking about it, I've decided not to persue a relationship with him becuse I think we get along better as friends. I know a lot of people, but I few friends. And sometimes it IS best to move on.

I got home around 12am, watched my Ti-Faux'd episode of SNL, and went to bed.

Oh. One more thing. I never had this experience before so have to share. I was the only black person at the party and there is this thing were some of the guys are affectionately give female names. There is this older black guy who they once called Mahalia Jackson, but who has be re-christened Esther Rolle. Because it was a much better fit. Before people started to laugh, everyone looked at me to see if it was okay to laugh. It wasn't a racist joke, so I had no reason to be offended. I met the guy, he DOES look like Esther Rolle.




Later...