Lost Ones

So here is the whole thing with Michael, in a nutshell ...

I asked him if would be my partner in the tennis tournament in Austin in December. I haven't seen him since January 1st but he has called me a few time since then. I last spook with him about a week and a half ago, and asked if he was still going to be my partner .. he said yes. He then said that he wanted to get together sometime this past weekend and play tennis. This weekend came and went with no word from him.

I get a call from Michael yesterday evening while working from home. The conversation started off as normal. I asked if he sent in his application for the tournament and that's when he got all weird. He started talking about how he planned to stay with his sister in Austin for the tournament, but his sister is coming to Dallas to escape the onslaught of people attending South by Southwest Festival (SXSW). So since his sister is coming to Dallas, he has decided not to play in the tournament.

I initially didn't take the news too bad because this was typical Michael behavior. I told him that I was not surprised that he bailed, and at that point he got silent. I told him the could have told me this a week and a half ago instead of 17 days before the tournament. I had people interested in playing with me, but I turned them down because I was playing with him. More silence. He seemed to have forgotten the previous conversation. I told him that I was going to have dinner and I would talk to him later because he had no defense. I hung up, and I thought that was the end of that until I started to think more about this situations. Throughout our entire relationship he seemed to be a bit flakey but I he had some good qualities, but the more I thought about it the more angry I became.

I reached my breaking point when I remembered I told him almost 2 months about the SXSW Festival in an email to him and some other people regarding booking hotel rooms. When I remembered this detail, was done with him. I called his cell phone and left a voicemail outting his lie and let him know that this would be the last time he would hear from me. I doubt he would even call to apologize, because he's an asshole. But I wouldn't bother to answer my phone if he did. He is so phony. He openly hates white people (eventhough his parents are white) but his ideal boyfriend is white; he also claims to be so busy but when asked what he has been up to, his response is that he just watches TV all day. I just don't care about him anymore. I have already erased his number from my phone ... so it is that serious.

This sunday is the first day of OLTA, and I am not sure if he will show up. If he does I am unsure if I will ignore him as though he didn't exist or briefly acknowledge him. I am not a cold person, but we are no longer friends. So I treat him as such.

Tennis Stuff ...

I won my match tonight 6-1, 6-4. I haven't played in about 2 weeks because the weather has been so bad in Dallas. But I have two and half weeks to get my self ready for the tournament.

Lost Ones - Lauryn Hil - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill (1998)

Caught Out There

... dedicated to Micheal.

I think the chorus says it all. More details tomorrow.

Caught Out There - Kelis - Kaleidoscope (1999)

Human Behavior

Over the past couple of days, I have been dealing with my many behaviors:

Not Pleased ...

This past Friday, I took my car into the Toyota dealer to have my trunk fixed. The latch broke a couple of months ago and I finally decided to get it fixed because I needed my spare tire in order to get my tires rotated. I dropped my car off around 8am and I was taken to work via their courtesy van. I got a call around 11am say that my extended warranty would cover the cost of the repair but I had to pay the $50 deductible. Which was fine considering the total cost would have been $140.

I got a call around 1pm saying that the part wasn't available at the dealer so they had to send out for it but I was assured that my care would be finished before 6pm. When I got to the dealer I was told that my car wasn't completely fixed. I can now open the trunk with my key but not from the lever on the inside. This issue was not diagnosed until the trunk key latch was fixed. They wanted me to drop my car off the next day around 1pm so the could work on it further. I said fine because I would be busy doing other things with the Greek.

The Greek came with me to drop of the car and I was told it would take a couple of hours. We ended up going to IKEA and Walmart to pick up a few things for his new apartment. A couple of hours past, and I called the dealership to inquire about the progress of my car I was told that it going to be another hour or so. An hour or so later, I get a call saying that car was not fixed because they received the wrong part. Huh? It took them 4 hours to figure out they didn't have the right part? Needless to say that I was not pleased. The customer service person apologized and offered a free customization for my troubles. I didn't need that, but I did tell them to rotate and balance my tires and change my oil. My demands got a chuckle from the customer service guy ... but I was not amused. I got my car and ended up waiting for 30 minutes and then I summoned the customer service guy to bring my car to me. Five minutes later, I got my car and more apologies for my long wait. I was told that I didn't have to pay because the job wasn't completed and I was asked to bring my car back to finally get it fixed. I will think about going Friday morning, but I am not certain.

Unreasonable and stubborn ...

I got a call from someone I haven't spoken to in over a year. The caller ID didn't looked familiar so I decided to let voicemail do its thing. I listened to the message and basically it said that if I don't want talk to them let them know so they can stop putting forth the effort.

Excuse me?

I don't know what effort this person was referring to seeing how this was the third call I received from this person in a year. I stopped calling this person in January 2005; received a call in July 2005 asking why I didn't tell them I was moving, a call in December 2005 to see if I wanted to hang out for the holiday (and to be told that I was behaving in a unreasonable and stubborn manner), and this past Sunday stating how they didn't want to put forth any more effort. Not one call to apologize for any of their behavior which made me not want to talk to them anymore. I am just so over this person. If I ever talked to them again I would probably be forced to "read" them. And that could get ugly because I have been privy to all of their information ... good, bad and some that would cause a scandal. I just don't care any more.

Happy ...

The four days I spent with the Greek. :-)

While hanging out with the Greek at Barnes and Nobles, I saw that season 1 of the Fox show Living Single is now on DVD. Double happy! It is basically an urban Sex and the City, before Sex and the City was even on the air. I bought it yesterday and it should arrive at work tomorrow.

I really hope that Fox didn't screw up this DVD like it did with the In Living Color seasons. In Living Color was known for their music parodies and use of hip-hop before and after commercial breaks. Fox changed the music to some generic crap and cut ALL of the music parodies due to licensing cost. I am just hoping that all of the episode are from the originally airings and not edited. If they are, I am sending back this DVD collection. I made my own bootleg digital transfers from the USA Network of all 5 seasons over a period of 6 months in 2004 - 2005, so I would be happy with those until a proper DVD is released.

Other stuff ...

There was no tennis today because it has been a dreary day in Dallas. Fog, clouds and mist. The courts were too wet to play tennis so it was canceled. I ended up going to CompUSA to return a router I bought a couple of weeks ago. I was not handing out IP address using any of the 4 ports. I am looking to find a new to purchase wireless router for the Greeks place so when I am there I can use my laptop. The customer service people were trying to brush me off because they can't read, and I was not having that AT ALL. I got the manager told him what the deal was and I got my refund. This was all done in a calm way. I find that if you state your compliants in a calm manner you are more likely to get what you want. It is that whole "more flies with honey than vinegar" thing.

Went to the doctor yesterday and everything is fine. Except that my blood pressure seemed to be a bit high for the doctor. It was 120/85, which is good because my resting heart rate is 68 bpm. He want me to come back in 4 months to see if there has been a change. The nurse who took my pressure asked with arm I wanted to use to have my pressure checked. Umm, shouldn't the pressure also be checked with the left arm because you heart is on the left side? Isn't that basic knowledge?

The exam took place with my clothes until the doctor wanted to check ... below the belt. He didn't give me a direct command to pull down my pants and underwear, but he just sat in his chair after requesting a testicular exam and waited for me to present my junk to him. But the whole thing was painless and the doctor was really cool. He has now become my primary physician.

I had to get blood work done to check for diabetes, cholesterol among other things. The nurse took 3 vials of blood in 1 minute. She was good. She didn't baby me, just asked which arm I wanted to use, jabbed me with the needle and drew that blood like a seasoned professional. No pain at all. This was my 3rd encounter with a needle in the last 4 weeks, so I think my fear has totally disappeared. Until I get my B-12 shot next month.

Human Behavior - Bjork - Debut (1993)

Triumph of the Heart

[editor's note: This was written yesterday]

So today is Valentine's Day. I guess I suppose to do it up with the Greek tonight, but I decided just to keep things low key. To me, today is just like any other day. I have tennis this evening but I plan on meeting with the Greek for a late dinner. I have already told him of my dislike of flowers. I don't like a gift that will end up dying a couple days later. If find it to be a bad symbolic gesture. So my gift to him will be ... a mixed CD.

Yeah it is a bit hokey, but it is simple and it can be very effective in conveying a message. I have to wisely choose 8-10 songs to express who I feel about our relationship thus far. I am still going through my iPod and mp3 CD archives to find the right songs. I will post my selections here in a couple days.

V-Day Mixtape 2006

The Beginning ...

Beautiful Stranger - Madonna
Possibly Maybe - Bjork
When I think of you - Janet Jackson

The Middle ...

I'm So Stupid - Madonna
Sooner or later - Madonna
Soon as I get home - Faith Evans

The End ...

I Still Love You - 702
The Body That Loves You - Janet Jackson (one of my person favorite songs)
Caught up in the Rapture - Anita Baker
We Belong Tgether - Mariah Carey (I know it is trite, but it is a good song.)

There is more Madonna songs that I would have like, but he likes Madonna. So that was my gift to him.

Dream stuff ...

I had a strange dream last night. After hearing about the snowstorm in the Northeast it made me kind of home sick because I am missing the snow down here in Dallas. So last night I ended up having a dream where I ended up leaving Dallas for a school in the northeast. I ended up sitting next to Lindsay Lohan on the bus, and while she denied having a eating disorder she would wave her stick thin arm in my face. Speaking of my face ... I ended up telling Lindsay that I fought in Iraq and I spoke with a weird lisp. Not a gay lisp, but a lisp like my jaw was blown off and then reattached. So we get to the "school" and I end up being a waiter in a restuarant. The End. Weird, huh?

Tennis stuff ...

I am playing tonight but I am not sure if anyone will show up. Do people actually go out on Valentine's Day or day they wait until the weekend to celebrate? I will post my results later in the evening.

edit: I won the match 6-4, 6-7, 1-0. We ended early the first game of the third set was an all or nothing game. If a full match isn't completed it is the number of told games that determines the winner. I was up by point so we had chance to tie; luckily I won the last game. My serve was awful but it managed to get me out of some holes. I was serving for the match at 5-4 in the second set when my serve fell apart. I need to work on that.

Other stuff ...

Why is Ashanti selling salad dressing?


[source: Crunk and Disorderly]

Triumph of the Heart - Bjork - Medulla (2004)

Better Days

I am feeling a lot better today than I was Thursday.

Thursday I forgot my bring my breakfast, I had to give a success story at a meeting, and I was getting back my HIV results. I wasn't really feeling nervous about it until two days before the results. I had a bad dream involving me forgetting my confidential number at home so I couldn't get my results. After running home and getting that oh so important piece of paper, I got back only to find a thousand or so people in line. The dream ended with me just sitting in the lobby sitting and waiting.

I went to the clinic directly after work and I arrived earlier, a first for me. The one thing that I didn't like about the clinic is that is not very discreet. Not that is should be, but for those who would like some confidentiality this wasn't the place to go. It was on Cedar Springs (the gay area) and I was the only place I could get an appointment before February 20th (the date of my full physically checkup which includes blood work). I get in and there are about 5 people inside. I check in and wait nervously for about 10 minutes.

I finally get called by my birthday and the nice nurse who drew my blood the week before greeted me. She was glad that I came back. I am not sure why ... maybe since people who get the test done never come back to get the results for some reason. Anyway ... with her was Wayne, who I assume was the counselor, and she asked if he could join us in the green room when results are given. I didn't mind because I just wanted my damn results. I think I seemed calm on the outside, but on the inside my heart was just pounding non-stop. Well, it was good that my heart was pounding or else I would be dead ... but you know what I meant.

In the green room I took a seat in the and the counselor was crouching near the dooring and staring at me. I wasn't sure if I should be worried about that or not, so I just focused on the nurse who had my results in her had. I tried to sneak a peek, but I wasn't sure that I should be looking. She looked at the forms and she gave me the results ... all of my tests were negative.


She handed over my results and my hands were shaking. Even thought there was a low percentage of me contracting anything, you just never know. I haven't been a whore in Buffalo and Dallas, but I haven't been an angel either. It can only takes one careless moment.

I told the Greek of the good news and he was happy, as was I when he got his results the previous week. We celebrated by heading to Panda for dinner. I was feeling good about the news of being negative, until I saw a man dining alone at the table next to us. He was positive. He was looking gaunt and he was taking his medications during the course of his meal. I was no longer enjoying myself.

Why was he positive and I am not? Why was I "lucky"?

I was asking myself these questions, and just made me sad. I found some encouraging news regarding a cure for this disease, so hopefully there will be some better days in the near future for those who are affect.

Better Days - Janet Jackson - All For You (2001)

You Want This ...

... Angela and Bank of America.

I don't think I posted about the encounters I have been having with a security women at my office building, so I will post now.

So, it all started a couple months ago when Dallas had an ice storm. I came into work draped in my charcoal grey scarf, and I said hello to the security woman, Angela, and I thought I heard her say that I was cute. I didn't really hear what she said so I didn't think much about it. As the work mornings progressed our conversation got more lengthy until two week ago she called me over to talk to her. She asked my name, and she formally introduced herself before she told me how cute she thought I was. I nervously turned away and smiled, but sort of glossed over what she said and told her to have a good day and I was off.

I am sort of perplexed because I am not sure if she has this crush on me because she is looking for a date, or she is looking a gay man to adopt. Since this meeting I have been avoiding her because I don't want to begin my day with awkward conversation. But I ran into Angela while heading to the Bank of America branch in my office complex and I said hello and she smile. She put this piece of paper over her face and waved to me. I thought it was cute. I am comfortable with how I look some of the time and I only pretend that I am an arrogant narcissist to people who actually know me because they can tell that I am joking. So I am not sure what people see in me that I clearly missing. Maybe I should round up all the people I've dated and make them fill out a survey.

Anyway ...

I went to Bank of America to get a roll of quarters, and I ended up with a free credit card. Huh? The teller said " Congratulations ... you have been selected to receive a [BoA] Platinum credit card. It should arrive within 5 to 7 days." It was weird because I thought about getting a new credit card through BoA and getting rid of of the Capital One Cards that I own. I have three credit cards and I only use one. The card that I use I pay it off in full each month. Carrying around three card doesn't make sense to me. The BoA card will have the combine limit for all three cards so it will make things a bit easier when I have to pay my bills because I already do my banking with the company. But I think I will keep my primary Capital One card because I am close to getting a $100 Best Buy card with the points I have accumulated over the last few months. I think by the end of March I will down to two cards: my BoA debit and credit cards.

Funny stuff ...

One of the best Brokeback Mountain parodies out there. Ladies and Gentleman ... Broke Mac Mountain.


Other stuff ...

Apparently there is a reason why Janet gained a lot of weight of the past few months. According to Jermaine Dupri in a New York Times article she gained the weight for a movie role. She has been seen heading to the gym and looking a bit thinner which means that a new album is coming out soon. YEAH!

The blog title is from a track on Janet Jackson's 1993 album janet. called ... what else, You Want This. I am trying to incorporate the post title into my blog; do you see the connection(s)?

The One

The song iitle of this post is from Mariah Carey's 2002 release Charmbraclet. I always deemed this album as unlistenable because of the whispery singing she does. It is not that I hate that style of singing, it is just monotonous on this album. I was at work and I started to listen to the album and the song The One stuck out. I was produced by Jermaine Dupri, and he is the person who has helped her in her 2005 comeback album The Emancipation of Mimi ... enjoy!

This weekend has been really busy.

Friday: I had dinner with The Greek at a Chinese restaurant other than Panda's, and went to see Imagine Me & You. The movies was not very interesting. The trailer is makes it seem like a much better movie than what it really is. Also, the trailer is really misleading in terms of the story. Basically ... it is about a woman who is a newlywed who meets her florist (a woman) and falls in love. I won't spoil the movie for you, but I suggest waiting for it to come out on video.

Saturday: I played tennis with some people from OLTA. When I arrived I noticed that there was someone new playing on the courts with my gang. The new guy is a regular at the courts but I have never seen him before. I introduced myself, as did he, and we had a brief conversation before playing. He is originally from Bolivia and has been in Dallas since September 2004 ... and he was really handsome. I felt guilty looking at him and finding him attractive because my relationship with The Greek. But I figured there is no harm in looking. Through out the day he seemed to show a bit of interest in me. I am not sure if it was subtle flirting, or he was just being friendly. I don't comprehend subtlety. If the flirting isn't blatantly in my face I am rendered confused. Four hours later ... we finally stopped playing tennis and we said our goodbyes. I made it a point to be kind to The Bolivian and he seemed pleased. We all made plans to meet the next day for tennis.

I returned home to ready to meet up with The Greek when I got some urgent calls from work. I was on call last week and a couple of networks went down. An hour later, I was finally out the door. We had dinner at Cafe Brazil on Cedar Springs, and then went Blockbuster for a couple of movies. In passing I mentioned The Bolivian to The Greek, and he didn't seem pleased. I let him know it was all innocent, but I think he wasn't convinced. We got Flightplan and Cinderella Man. Flightplan was good, and it wasn't what I was expecting. It was somewhat similar to Panic Room ... but it was a good movie. It got too late to watch Cinderella Man ...

Sunday: I was going to play tennis after brunch at Cafe Brazil in Deep Ellum but The Greek convinced me to go for a walk around White Rock Lake.


Three and a half hours later we made it all the way around. It was a nice walk and we talked the entire time. The periodically tried to hold my hand, but I was having none of that. This is Texas after all. I finally got home after being gone for a day with a list of things to accomplish. I got most of them done before bed, and didn't even bother watching Superbowl XL because I am just was not interested. I had a couple work relate things to do before I headed to bed around midnight.

Monday: Had dinner at Marco's with The Greek and got more movies from Blockbuster. My choice was Murderball. It was a very interesting documentary on the 2004 US Para Olympic Quad Rugby Team. If you haven't seen it, you should rent it. It was very enjoyable. I got home around 11pm, and I got into bed.

Today: I have my tennis league. I am looking to win and I have a couple of strategies I am working on. I am going to join another tennis league at a different location because I need to play a lot of singles tennis before the tournament in Austin. I will post the result later this evening.

edited: I lost 3-6, 4-6. I am not upset because he was a really good player. I don't mind losing to people who are better than me. This was a challenge, and I may see people with similar games at the tournament.

I hope y'all -- yes, I said y'all -- had a good day!

I Keep Forgettin'

Happy Black History Month!

I think for February I am going to use the title of songs for my posts. The first is I Keep Forgettin' by Michael McDonald from his 1983 album titled If That's What It Takes. You may recognized the melody because it was used in Warren G's hit song Regulate from the 1994 album Regulate the G-Funk Era. For some reason I started humming that melody at work, and I thought back to McDonald's original. I ended up buying the song on iTunes. I usually don't like male singers, but I find the tone of Michael McDonald's really nice.

It has been a while since I have last posted here. Luckily nothing substantial has happened since my last post. I have been up to the usual: life, work, tennis, boyfriend ... repeat. The Greek and have been enjoying our time together but he has made it his mission to change me. We wants me to become more vocal in terms of how I feel, with an emphasis on how I feel about him. I have never been one of those people who come up with petname for the people I date. The closest I came to a term of endearment was mispronouncing the person name, but that was more like an inside joke. Baby, honey, babe and similar names don't seem to roll off my tongue that easy. I will give it a couple of more months before I come up with a clever name.

What day should be your anniversary? Is it the first day your met or the first day you proclaim yourself a couple? Just some the Greek and I are debating.

Tennis stuff ...

I had tennis this past Tuesday and I luckily won my match 6-0, 7-5. My opponent just got back from vacation in Mexico and was feeling the after effects of the free alcohol in his all inclusive resort. I felt bad that I killed him the first set so I kind of back off and decided to try some different shots. Before I knew it I was down 4 sets to 0 and I didn't want to lose. I ended up winning the 7 of the 8 games to win the set. I decided to get my racquets restrung because the tension of my racquets are too loose. They were around 58-60 lbs/sq. in. and I decided to boost them up to 65 lbs/sq. in. This will allow me to use a bit more of my power with the ball without the ball (way) out. The lower tension give you more spring but you lose accuracy. I will test this out because I get my racquets restrung for the Austin tournament in March. I got my hotel booked and my entry fee paid. Michael is my doubles partner, which the Greek isn't to happy about.

Health stuff ...

I am in need of a physical checkup because I think I have picked up an allergy or two. I made an appointment yesterday but the closest date I could get is 2/20/06. That is just too far away, but I will keep the appointment because I need to do some other blood work done to test for cholesterol and diabetes. I think I need a couple of boost shots as well. I think my last tetanus show was before college in 1997. I think I am overdue for a new shot. But knowing my luck I will step on a rusty nail before then.

Fun stuff ...


If you never seen the 2001 MTV's ICON show it was a show dedicated to Janet Jackson. They had current artist (at the time) perform of her greatest hits. There was a section where Mya, Pink, and Usher perform some of her famous dance routines. This clip is a parody of that show for Whitney Houston. I love the Pink's dance tribute because Whitney isn't known for her dancing. Crack, yes. Dancing, no. Enjoy!

Other stuff ...

Last week I helped my sister get the wireless devices I bought for her up and running. It took 3 hours but everything is running fine. My niece is now off the AOL dial-up connection and now on broadband. I was thinking about filtering her IP address from all the bad stuff, but that is just be being over protective. I think I will have to give her a lecture on Internet Safety because he likes to chat on AOL. After watching this special on Dateline, it is a bit scary to know that all these perverted people like to pray on children. I think I will send her a copy of the tape and have my sister watch it with her. It is kind of mature viewing, so I will have my sister watch it and relay the message to my niece.

Have you hugged a black person today? If not, do so. Also, bring some fried chicken and watermelon because according to the stereotype .. that is what we like to eat.